The Special Snowflake Paradox

Always remember that you are unique... just like everyone else.

 -"The Bullshit Snowflake"-

In our daily lives, whether we may be students, workers or just simple human beings bound to do a tedious job over and over again for the rest of our lives, sources of motivation in literature and media seems to be a common thing, and holding on to them seems inevitable. I'm pretty sure most of us have a quote or a word of inspiration from a work of literature, from a famous personality, or perhaps stories of success to keep us hoping, and proverbs to feed our faith. It has become our mantra, our charm for good luck, our source of energy, or even our one last hope for living at times.

In my life as a college student, I've seen a lot of motivational quotes on my classmates' notebooks, cellphones, IDs and almost everywhere possible to put them. They are simply everywhere.

"No success without adversity."

"Different and beautiful."
"Stand for what you think is right. Even if it means you have to stand alone."
"You are who you choose to be."
"Failure is success."
"It doesn't matter what the society thinks about you as long as you are happy with yourself."
"Everyone is a special snowflake."
... those are just some of the typical messages of those quotes I have seen.

Perhaps in a class where almost everyone is hoping to qualify in med school, it is just natural to have these words of empowerment to get them through the very stressful everyday trials of our premed course, or at least it is just enough to keep them from slitting their wrists out of sheer frustration.

typical motivation

I myself have one, and it is from the French author and Nobel prize winner André Gide, which says,

"One cannot discover new oceans unless one has the courage to lose sight of the shore."

However, in all honesty, I have not read any of André Gide's work and I actually have no idea who he is until I have researched him for the purpose of writing this essay. Furthermore, the quote is not even directly translated. What André Gide wrote was actually translated as, "One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight, for a very long time, of the shore." I happen to have preferred the former since I found it a lot more fitting for my situation.

We are used to holding on to words of motivation and inspiration that hold a good promise beyond the obstacles we are facing, even sometimes without the need of knowing where it came from. And based on my humble observation, most of these motivations that are rampant in the influence of modern literature and media, both mainstream and social, focuses a lot on empowerment, risk-taking and the celebration of nonconformity.

I have been a witness of a lot of them since I am a supporter of gender and racial equality, and empowerment is pretty much what it is all about. In addition, having a mother who is a special education teacher, I have been used to motivating people and raising awareness to the condition of children with special needs. I have been taught by my mother to use the term "challenged" rather than "disabled." I have been taught to use the term "gift" rather than "disability." And the most significant of them all, too significant perhaps that I myself also assert it to people who are unaware, is to call them "special" and not "abnormal."

Having these new terms and treatments to those who have been considered as outcasts of the society back in the decades past makes me think that we have indeed gone a long way. The past seems too different from the present already. Women have gained their voices, races have gained equal rights, freedom of sexual preference have been embraced by the society. And even though these things are not exactly absolute, the fact remains that the modern civilized society have revolutionized its ways— a way of saying that we have been there, done that, and we are never going back there again.

And so the days of the outcasts have ended. We have restructured our understanding of depression, attention-deficit/hyperactive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, addiction and countless other conditions and disorders, nerds and geeks become acceptable in pop culture, we have learned to substitute punishment with correction.

We have evolved into a society which celebrates non-conformity.

This very fact is supported by the philosophy that the society instills on us, which is reflected on the motivations and empowerment that people give to one another, a belief and a standard that is accepted by the majority.

However, the question remains: Is the society true to what it stands for?

As I recall, when I was having my very first job interview a few days ago, the final interviewer asked me,

"Well, you are one of the many referrals sent to me, and sadly most of them were not qualified and are not able to have the job. Tell me, what makes you different from them?"

I kind of chuckled a little upon hearing the question, it was not due of the silliness of the question, but rather because of the sudden sadness I've felt upon hearing it.

"Isn't it weird that you are asking me this question?" I replied. 

He asked me why.

I continued, "Well, when we were young, we were taught exactly the different thing. I know, sir, that you too have been taught that — that everyone is a special snowflake. But now we find it the other way around, that all people seem just the same, too same as a matter of fact that you have to ask what makes a person different from anyone else. It's interesting how our perspectives change over the course of time and we will never truly know which is true or not."

After having that interview I started questioning myself which is which?

Are we all different? Or is it the fact that we are all equally unique that makes us all the same? 

Whether or not it is true, one thing remains clear— what the society stands for is nothing but ambiguous.

When a man is at his lowest, he is brought up with empowerment and understanding. However, raise him too high, and he will be bombarded with prejudice and rejection. We love to set the captives free, however when that certain freedom comes in our way in a manner we do not desire, we create new cages to imprison them into. It's very funny how the society is.


We live in a society that celebrates nonconformity but rejects nonconformity that is unpleasing to its eye. 

Nonconformity itself has to conform.

When a person is labeled an outcast by the society because his nonconformity is is not pleasing, no one gives a hang. Make the person kill himself on the other hand... and everyone seems to understand the dead for some reason. I cannot decide whether it is inconsistency or hypocrisy that is at work.

There was a quote by Albert Einstein that said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

The credibility of this quote itself is questionable, since there is no actual proof of Einstein having mentioned it. But it has become a widely-known statement and have influenced a lot of people. The interesting thing about it is that I have learned about this saying at school— the very place the quote was referring to. And I have felt a very strong sense of irony upon hearing it the first time. I am but a fish forced to climb a tree, I thought to myself, as all these teachings made me believed to be.

I have a very peculiar manner of learning that is different from the rest of my classmates and it has long been evident since my early years of school. Despite my competency in intellectual capabilities, I have mood and esteem issues, and attention problems which give me problems in normal studying habits. Hence, these made me more interested in learning rather than passing. My parents took pride in that philosophy of mine and they have been very supportive ever since. It was a pleasing nonconformity. It made me remarkable to my past teachers back in my elementary and high school days. However, as I proceeded to college, I have seen principles and philosophies of people disintegrate before my very eyes. School has become nothing more but about passing. They kept on knowing and knowing without having to understand the reason why. I have seen the exact equivalent of an ignorant church, but instead of seeing blind faith, I have witnessed blind knowledge. I have seen little learning, I have witnessed emotional and mental torment. I have seen that not only the academe is the victim of this disintegration of the essence of human life but also my home. I have realized that they value money more than our very own well-being, poverty and adversity have made my parents give up what they stand for. They made me believe that I am a snowflake to keep me going, however upon living what they made me believe, they told me that being a snowflake is just an excuse for my shortcomings. I cannot tell exactly what is true, but with the opposing truths they made me— made us— believe, I know one can only be.

half-meant jokes

And so when I have decided to take another path towards my goal, which is dropping out of school to save my sanity, getting a job and saving up for my own education to spare me the guilt and pressure of having my parents to pay for my tuition fees, and to work my way according to my own pace, they asked me to leave the house.

What confuses me a lot is that these are the very things that they have been teaching me growing up— these are the things they teach us when we are young. However, they expect us to be free in a certain boundary. The freedom they have given us is delusional. They taught us but they never expect us to learn. They never expect us to truly live by it. It is but a charade, it is all pretense if you think of it.

The society may have changed its play, but its game has always been— and will remain— the same.

And so, I never rely on words of motivation anymore. We are what we choose to be. Nature has no known law which determines the fate of man. And despite the ambiguous nature not only of this society but the universe itself... it is man himself who will determine his reality— for he makes his own reality.

The only question remains,

Are you determined enough to make yours real?

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

...and will you believe in this motivation?

Checkmate

11-11-14

Derailed, lost in the tracks
I know it’s already a checkmate
but I don’t want to reset the pieces.

I want to see the queen
cornering my last piece.
Yes, I am the king,
she is the queen.

She is ivory, I am ebony.
She will never be mine.

With all the rooks, bishops, knights,
and her king standing beside her-
I stand across them, looking at her,
awaiting my fateful demise.

I am the only piece.
No queen, no pawn.

But I won’t back down
for it’s the checkmates
I am looking for.

In front of her,
with nowhere else to go,
I know it’s the closest I can be
for me to be her own.

Withdrawal

11-10-14

Drifting away from reality seems easy.

Yes, maybe it truly is.

But recovering from the truth is absolutely

a hard thing.

The truth isn’t friendly, but it is

the only thing deserving of trust.

Bathing in the glory of your resplendence

may be nourishing for the soul, 

but I bathe in waters I do not own.

I am a trespasser, an alien—

an outcast to whom I have considered

my home.

What is better,

your sweet, sweet poison

or the bitterness of truth?

Should I continue injecting myself

of lethal doses of your beauty, 

or let go of the syringe and face

the cruel withdrawal from fantasy?

I’d rather face death than a lifetime of pain.

When Goddesses Do Not Deserve to Shed Tears

10-18-14

Even God himself said

not to throw pearls to the swine

nor to settle for tomorrow.

Yet now I see you grasp the sand

and hold on to water.

I see life drain in your eyes

as you lie exhausted.

With every ounce of strength you gave,

you ended up empty-handed.

I’ve seen enough women cry in my day,

I’ve seen the oceans rise.

And it hurts to see another one

when goddesses do not deserve to shed tears.

Let me tell you this.

Your tears are diamonds.

The ground does not deserve them

nor the greed of foolish men.

Know that you are a deity that deserves worship,

not a charlatan in men’s charade.

And though you have shed enough blood and tears,

to someone’s eyes, somewhere in this world,

they are rubies and diamonds scattered in the ground.

He’ll pick them up piece by piece,

and find their owner by chance,

or perhaps by destiny.

And he’ll say the words, “I do not deserve this,

no one does.”

He’ll grant you new eyes to see the world to realize, 

there are countless things in this

world that are much worth shedding

diamonds for.

~x

Cogito Ergo Sum

“A man without a soul in not a man at all.”

So Renée Descartes walks into a bar and the barman asks him, “Do you care for a drink, sir?” Descartes then replied, “I think not.” Then he disappeared.

It was an awful joke.

Among many other great things, Descartes was known for the philosophical saying “I think therefore I am,” which, to be honest, is already an awfully overused saying nowadays. But it seems though that not many people are able to grasp what Descartes’ saying really meant. It was right under their noses.

Thinking is what makes a man. It has been one of our defining characteristics as human beings. It is what is believed to be the thing that ultimately separates as a species from the rest of the animals.

Back in the ancient times, there have been countless interpretations as to how man is separated from the rest of the living creatures. In the book of Genesis, man was described to be a living soul with a spirit, considering that all creation which is essentially made from dust bestowed with the breath of life is called a living soul. The term spirit of man was referred to as the man’s will— his capacity to think, feel and decide for himself. And thus this allows him to have dominion over himself and the creation around him.

The great philosophers Plato, Socrates and Aristotle also have interpretations regarding the nature of the soul. Generally, they believed that the soul is an essential part of the human being which causes him to decide how he behaves. The soul is actually viewed as every quality that only a human being has— his consciousness, his emotions and his desires. And since these characteristics of man are metaphysical, they believed that the soul is man’s separate existence from his tangible self.

But whatever differences there may be in the understanding of the human soul, whether it be philosophical or spiritual, whether it come in different names or different parts, there is a common thing that all these interpretations agree upon— that the soul is the embodiment of a man’s being, the sum of his thoughts, emotions, desires and actions. The essence which if taken away, man ceases to be.

The concept of the soul has shaped our definition of humanity. It has helped establish our sense of morality and ethics. It helped us define what we are and what we should be:

beings with souls.

But what is a soul anyway? Though the generalization of the concepts of the soul from different views and perspectives has already been expounded, the concept of the soul was still not concretely defined.

In this age of reason and discovery, the metaphysical concept of the soul slowly becomes a mere shadow of philosophers past. Knowledge has become equivocal to perception. The heart, the mind and the ego are seen as nothing more than metaphors. There is only the brain and its interconnected networks of billions of neurons which allows man to reason, its hormones and neurotransmitters which allow man to feel urges and emotions, its sensory nerves which allow man to perceive, and its ever-changing connections of synapses and nerve impulses which sum up man’s consciousness, subconsciousness and personality.

The empirical soul is nothing more than a metabolic process, no different than any other process in the human body.

The fullness of man is but the sparks in his head.

Though it seems too absurd to view that the essence of man is nothing more than bits of electrical sparks in the brain rather than the romanticized emotive philosophy of how man is and supposed to be, the very perception of absurdity allows one to realize that it was more than what it is. The subjectivity of emotions and perceptions make a person reject what he refuses to believe and makes him decide his own fabric of his own reality.

This is the beauty of it— the beauty of seemingly parallel truths coexisting in one universe.

Now where does this put us? One might wonder.

All these things actually are just mere ponderings as to where we are right now. The nature of man, paradoxical perceptions and the beauty of it were just tools to realize the intricateness of our existence. Sadly in this time, if Descartes’ saying were literal, I would have been one of the nonexistent. Even sadder is that humanity would have decreased tremendously, as they have ceased to exist as well.

How many of us, I wonder, have lost their souls?

How many people have lost their capacity to live?

Perhaps this is the consequence of an already-enlightened society. Since almost everything is already found out, every information already compartmentalized, we have been spared from thinking, making us trust the system that has been existent since before we even came to be. Our lives revolve around passing down information after information, knowing things without seeking them, eating the food we did not harvest. However, there is a big difference between knowing and realizing, information and actualization.

Man has become more interested in the question ‘how’ rather than ‘why’; how they will succeed, how they will earn, how they will survive.

This makes him superficial.

Even if we look in the smaller picture— the classroom— in my personal observation, when it comes with a mathematical concept or scientific law for an instance, most students are more concerned in memorizing the already-derived formulas rather than understanding and analyzing the logic behind it— of why things are. Students have become more concerned in simply having a certain problem solved rather than knowing its essence. One of the reasons I have deduced is because the system has twisted man’s perception of the world. Students prioritize grades rather than their increased understanding of the universe. The society has oversimplified existence— to enter the system, earn and enjoy the spoils of hard work. This notion made people’s lives revolve around frivolity. This made life almost hedonistic for the very reason that the epitome of man’s life— the reason for all man’s endeavors— revolves around attaining his pleasures and desires.

Party every Friday. Beer every pay day. A yacht for retirement. An expensive funeral.

Never even knowing his place in the universe.

Although the system exists with the purest of intentions, through the course of time, it has become a tradition and nothing more than a practice or a custom that must be kept and passed on, never actually knowing why. And so we ask why every younger generation is worse than the other— less skillful, less intelligent than those of the ‘golden days.’ We complain about politicians with no sense of ideals stealing from our pockets. We wonder why enormous enterprises compete for world domination. We are stressed with passionless workers with no regard to anything or anyone. We are threatened by those who are willing to kill for a slice of bread or a glimpse of luxury.

Our definition of life has been clouded. We are burdened with superficial problems. We are driven by primal needs. We wonder why there are no noble men left like the heroes of old, who would serve his country and his people with honor and valor. We wonder why less people are willing to give their lives to others. People who have reached the peak of man’s need, which is self-actualization according to Abraham Maslow, seem to be people of legends and have been branded as saints and heroes, which to me, seems very perplexing since we are all human beings, but only a very significant few are only able to find the paradigm of themselves.

Why is this so? This is because man is fed with egocentrism, his aspirations and dreams defined by the society. Man’s value for law, ideology, morality, truth and beauty had been obscured by the need to feed, rest and mindlessly revel. Man lives for himself in the system. He is, and should, be self-sufficient.

We light candles to those who have taken their lives trying to escape the system. Behind our pity, lies our hidden prejudice— poor deranged mind. People who question their existence and refuse to conform are labeled crazy, as they cannot accept their state, as they cannot find a rational explanation for all that is happening around them. Who is the crazy one? What is the real problem, the need to feed or the need to exist? People know that the answer is the latter, but as they cease reading this, they’ll go back to their lives bearing the opposite truth, changing once more the definition of that poor deranged mind as they ride once more to the momentum of the system.

I do not mean to sound like a conservatist or a liberalist depending on how it is perceived, nor do I mean to say that the system needs to be abolished. The system is an important part of the civilization and it is what anchors it to its very foundations. But if the system were to improve man’s quality of life but not man’s quality of living, then isn’t it opposing to the very reason why we are advancing? Man discovers, learns and increases his knowledge for him to transcend into a higher form of existence and not the other way around, for if we do, we would lose our identity in this world as a species— as a being. We would lose our essence in the universe— the meaning of living and the will to live.

Man needs to pause in the momentum and question himself,  

assure himself he is where he is supposed to be, 

think and doubt, 

and regain his soul,

and know that he lives again.

To my fellow caffeine-fuelled zombies:

            It is ironic how everyone fears [or most of the time secretly wishes] a zombie apocalypse. Isn’t this the apocalypse already? Isn’t this the moment where lifeless human beings roam and dominate the earth— infecting every last living soul until there is nothing left? Is this not it?

            Every time I look through the faces of the crowd every rush hour I can see them: the walking dead. They are everywhere, from the trains to the buses, the streets, schools, hospitals. Even when I look in the mirror…

            I have become one of them.

            Although in pop culture and literature there have been many interpretations of the walking dead— from firstly being popularized by George Romero’s ‘The Night of the Living Dead’ as simply dead people coming back to life as mindless cannibals, then later on evolving into different categories such as viral and supernatural, beings with extreme rage and agility, or sometimes retaining the capacity to do what they used to as humans— the essence of a zombie remains the same: human beings who have lost the ability to reason and the capacity to be aware; human beings with a fully functional body yet a dead consciousness, staying alive for just one purpose— which is staying alive itself.

            In an oversimplification, to become a zombie is to be a mindless beast. And interestingly enough if we look at the logical concept of a human being, which is to be substantial, bodily, living, sentient and rational, to become a zombie is to lose rationality, sentience and the ability to live— to become a mere organism. This implies that a mindless beast is an understatement, for even a beast qualifies as a sentient living organism with its capacity of rationalization the only thing lacking. Being a zombie, essentially, is like being a bacteria—even less— a dead bacteria or, one might say, a mere thing, for the reason that even a bacteria is substantial, bodily and still living.

            Now if we look at the 21^st century human being and assess this creature’s essence according to the logical definition of a human being, one might ask,

            “Does man still pass for being man?”

            If we are to observe the common pattern of life in the modern society, a man is born, raised by his parents or guardians, brought to school to be educated, then afterwards brought to a higher school to be equipped and prepared, graduates, leaves home to live on his own, gets a job, earns, saves, finds a partner, settles down, marries, have offspring, raises them, affords their education, be left after his children grow up, retires and soon after dies—
            Sounds like some basic life cycle to me, nothing significant from other biological organisms.

            All my years in the academe, I have noticed the circular routine nature of being a student. You wake up with the view of the same old ceiling, wear the same old uniform, listen to the same old lecture, do the same old homework, worry for the same old exam. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

            The thing about all these things is that the quarter of our lives, we are forced to understand that everything we do is a preparation for the ‘real world’ or so they call it. A QUARTER OF OUR LIVES for petty preparation. They act as though the world would still continue to revolve tomorrow just so they can waste a quarter of a lifetime in exchange for a role in the society.

            And so when you go to Starbucks or any café for that matter, you’d see students [and hipsters] drowning themselves in coffee. Check the consumption of every energy drink, and it will always be those sleepless students in their all-nighters. Students have learned to rely on caffeine or any other form of synthetic motivation just to get through every day of their predestined lives, waiting for the day when they get to earn their place in the society and escape towards the ‘real world.’

            One thing troubles me however; the summit of a student’s life is not actually the epitome of their existence as human beings as they expect it to be. The undead I have seen amongst the crowd are not actually exclusively students. They are workers, adults, breadwinners, independents, aspirants, parents. The student’s pasture was a lie. There was no sanctuary. There was no escape. There were only more cups of coffee.

            Yet we are here, drinking our share of caffeine, hoping for it to keep us awake, to keep us going through this painfully repetitive existence, desperately waiting for sanctuary… the coffee drinker’s limbo.

            Tell me, what difference does this have from being a zombie? What part of this circular routine needs reason? What part in this predestined life needs sentience? We just live on. Kept alive by this caffeine—

            staying alive to stay alive.

            No apparent reason why.